i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
