i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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