i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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