I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
