I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
being pregnant is like rehab
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
