And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
