It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
