Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
