Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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