He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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