Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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