"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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