I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
