Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
