did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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