I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
