There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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