I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
