How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
