just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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