In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
