You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I look better un-naked...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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