I wish I could punch you in the face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
