You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
