Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
