Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
