It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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