I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
