My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize