i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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