he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
