she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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