member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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