I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
