make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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