She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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