I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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