Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
