I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
