I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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