But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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