the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
