I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
