Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
