i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize