I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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