i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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