I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
