I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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