I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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