I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
