I faked an abortion last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
