Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
