In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
