Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
