News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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