Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
