i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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