I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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