I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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