shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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