it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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