Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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