Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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