I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dicks are not precious.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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